Ten years ago when my Bombay-based friend Anu decided she wanted to get married, her family went about looking for suitable husband candidates for her to meet.
Their basic criteria was the following:
1. Comes from a good family
2. Educated and has a good job
3. Reasonably nice looking
4. Ready to get married
The fifth criteria, of course, was the X factor that only Anu would be able to perceive once she met him: Personal chemistry.
Anu's parents let their network of family and friends know that Anu was looking for a husband, and their network in turn let Anu's parents know of suitable guys they came across who were looking for a wife.
With an open mind Anu met them, one by one. The meetings usually involved Anu and her parents meeting the guy and his parents. (Needless to say, there were no drunken hook-ups or time spent by the phone wondering "Why didn't he call?")
One of the guys, Prashant, she particularly liked.
Prashant was five years older than her and, having established himself in his career, had deemed himself marriage-ready.
What Anu noticed about Prashant was how good-natured, confident, and warm he was. He was enthusiastic about getting to know her, and she felt at ease around him. She instantly liked him as a person.
His mother was an old friend of one of Anu's aunts, so Anu knew that his family was a lot like her family in terms of their values and outlook on life. Prashant's parents were open and easy-going, and she felt comfortable around them (important, because he was extremely close to his parents).
Anu worked in HR for a software company and liked her job. She envisioned a life where she would both work and have a family. Prashant was supportive of that (important that they have the same picture of what their life together might look like). At the same time he worked in his family's business, which was successful, so Anu knew she would have a comfortable life whether she worked or not (important, because money can be a big stressor in a relationship).
He wasn't a model, but he was definitely attractive to her. Although she is herself quite beautiful, Anu told me that she didn't want a partner who attracted a lot of special attention for his looks.
They met a few more times - on their own - before deciding to get married. A couple of months later they had a formal engagement ceremony, and a few months after that they had a wedding.
Ten years and two kids later, they are still happily married, love each other deeply, and are devoted to each other. They had adjustments to make, for sure, the kind that are always required when two human beings come together. Life has its own drama. However, looking back what is most striking about Anu's story is how little drama was involved in her finding her life partner.
