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| Photo by ntr23 |
This list isn't like that.
Those are personal preferences. I'm talking about must-haves here. If a guy doesn't have these, it doesn't matter what else he has.
Drumroll, please...
1. KINDNESS/CHARACTER
Can you think of anything that could substitute for kindness? What professional accomplishment, what level of hotness, what brilliance and insight, what bank account, what life experience - WHAT could possibly ever substitute for kindness in a partner?
I'm not saying that you have to marry any kind person that you meet. But if you're contemplating a relationship with someone, it would be in your best interest to take an honest look at their character. Do they treat other people with respect and consideration, not only with words but in action? Even when no one else is looking?
2. HE MUST SEE HIMSELF AS THE MARRYING TYPE.
Not every guy does. And there are some guys who see themselves as the marrying type only if they meet their fantasy girl.
How does your potential guy envision his life? Does he clearly see himself with a life partner (and a family, if that's what you want)? How important is it to him? How interested is he in finding a life partner?
If he doesn't see himself as the marrying type then run, don't walk. It doesn't matter how wonderful he is and how great of a connection you two have. If he doesn't want what you want, it's not going to work.
3. HE MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF PROFESSIONAL FOCUS.
In general if he's not committed to some kind of career path, he's going to find it hard to feel ready for a long term relationship. I don't mean that he has to be CEO or have the next 10 years mapped out. But he should have a steady job and be on some kind of track, or have a general sense of a plan. He should be grounded and have a sense of what he's doing in life.
4. YOU MUST FEEL NATURAL BEING IN HIS COMPANY.
I know, I know, it can be exciting to be in the company of someone who gives you butterflies. We all want magic. But the biggest magic is in knowing and loving - and being known and being loved by - someone who completely gets you and loves you as you really are. Love and connection are not performance art.
5. HE MUST BE INTO YOU
If he's just not that into you, he's not the one for you. There's not much more to say other than that. Don't waste (too much) precious energy crying about it, trying to figure out why, or trying to convince him otherwise. Know that it happens to everyone and move on.
The danger of not paying attention to the must-haves:
You could spend months - or even years - in a relationship with someone who isn't right for you, wondering why you're not feeling fulfilled. Or wondering why you're not experiencing the connection you really want. You could spend lots of energy dating the wrong people, and feel hopeless about finding the right person for you. You could get your heart broken because you've gotten deeply involved with someone who isn't ready to commit to you. You could overlook a gem with whom you could have the relationship you really want.
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree?
