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| Photo by meanestindian |
Most of us have things we would like from the people in our life. Particularly our partner, but also our friends.
But there's no way for everyone to always know what our wishes are. No matter how much the other person may love and care for us, they can't read our mind.
What's the easiest, most mutually enjoyable way of getting a wish fulfilled? Ask nicely. And then say thank you.
These five simple words - "I have a small request...", spoken in good cheer, can help preserve harmony, lightness, and intimacy in relationships. They facilitate clear, gracious communication.
The request can be about something small or something big.
"I have a small request... would you mind putting your shoes in the closet after you take them off?" (my husband's recent request of me)
So much sweeter than "WHY can't you put your shoes in the closet??!!" or "You DIDN'T put your shoes in the closet!!!"
There are a few things I particularly love about requests:
1. Requests are proactive. They have nothing to do with the past and everything to do with creating a more perfect future.
2. Requests are invitations. They are a way of sharing who we are with another person, and inviting them to participate in our happiness.
3. Requests are not demands. The other person has the freedom to say no. But chances are, if you ask respectfully then they will respond respectfully - even if the answer is no, they will explain why they aren't able to fulfill your request.
4. Requests are not complaints. They are steps towards solutions.
5. Requests are specific.
6. Requests are win-win. They make both people feel good. The requestor gets their need met, and the requested feels like a winner for being able to help.
Don't hesitate to open the door for the other person too: "Do you have any requests of me?"
It's always nice when you can meet someone's request with sincere enthusiasm: "Absolutely! I will put my shoes in the closet."
Some people might think, but I'd like to be self-sufficient and fulfill all of my own needs! If that's working for you, that's wonderful. If not, then try this little trick of making requests.
